Beauty for Ashes

November 7, 2020.

Yesterday was a good day. You didn’t cry. You didn’t talk about it. You didn’t allow your thoughts to linger. You weren’t in excruciating pain and so you proudly avoided every temptation to self-medicate. You made an effort not to isolate yourself from the world. You celebrated a day of progress and victory.

Today, you are not okay.

The holidays are approaching, and just the thought of everyone laughing and smiling and being giddy brings on more anxiety. You seek to forget those things that you don’t want to remember. You struggle to find the beauty that so graciously greeted you one day, but so easily abandoned you the next.

There are situations that we encounter that are not always beautiful. Some circumstances have burned us in such a way that the only thing visibly left are the ashes. Sometimes we have barely walked away with our sanity. We had to come to terms with the fact that there was nothing soluble to rebuild from. No broken pieces to pick up and put back together—just ashes.

I can remember embarking upon a journey of love and marriage. When I entered into that covenant, I was recovering from my own ashes and looking to my husband to replace the beauty that was stolen from me, something that only God could do. Like Johnson & Johnson, I longed for no more tears, and for calming lavender to help me escape the painful memories of the past.  

Perhaps you have experienced ashes of your own.

Remembering the hidden bruises, while waiting for someone to see in you what you had a hard time seeing in yourself.

Being forced to say good-bye to the one you love, but not at all prepared to live in an isolated and empty world without them.

Watching as your heart bled in your hand, after learning that your child had been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness.

Wrestling with those things that you haven’t told anyone, or very few people, because hearing it leave your lips has been more traumatizing than not speaking about it at all.

Recently, I sat and glazed out of my bedroom window, amazed at the beautiful scenery that found its way thriving amidst evolving shade. I reflected on how this was even possible. I realized that we don’t always see the beauty in situations that have caused us great pain. But today I invite you to look beyond the shades of gray in your life. As you rummage through past hurts, take the time to stop and salvage the beauty that can be found among the trash.

Isaiah 61:3 reminds us that God has promised each of us something beautiful. He has promised comfort to those who mourn, a rose bush to grow where there were ashes, a lifetime of joy where there was once sorrow.

My husband and I recently celebrated 20 years of marriage. And even now, I chuckle at the beauty at work in my own life despite past disappointment, conflict, and hardships. I become tickled at how we so easily revert to childlike behaviors, laughing and giggling like three-year-olds, while experiencing the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Today I am letting go of yesterday’s ashes because I am now in a place where I don’t need them anymore. Maybe it is time for you to do the same. God desires for you to enjoy the timeless beauty that he has reserved just for you. He longs to make time stand still just long enough for you to inhale the precious aroma of His love.

God’s beauty is forever in front of us, right beside us, and following behind us, trying to push its way through all of the shade and gloom. And while the ashes may still be falling, just rest assured that God is waiting to shower you with as much beauty as you can possibly hold.

So relish every good memory. Try your best not to dread the holidays, remembering that there is healing in laughter and cheer. Laugh when you feel like crying. Cry when you need to, but after you’ve wiped the tears, walk into the sunlight and experience the beauty of a brand new day.