Grateful or Hateful?

November 29, 2020.

The holidays are a wonderful time to slow down and to do a little self-reflection.  Self-reflection allows us to adjust those things that need adjusting and to grow in areas where growth is required. What better time than now to self-reflect on what it means to be grateful and thankful?

So many people go through life hating. We hate our jobs. We hate our church. We hate our appearance (our hair, our clothes, our weight). We hate men, women, black people, white people, or just people in general. We hate our in-laws or our boss or our ex. We hate our marriage, and if we’re not married, we hate the fact that we’re single, or that we are unable to hate those little things about our spouse that we would be sure to hate if we were married.

We hate that we can’t control a darn thing in this world, and we hate that we’re judged if we express our lack of control in a way that’s not acceptable in society. We hate the people who have hurt us the most and have caused us the greatest amount of pain.

Hatefulness is dangerous because it is rarely about the person that the behavior is directed towards, but most likely about some inner conflict or some deeply rooted feelings of powerlessness. To be honest I was one of those people. I hated that my childhood trauma stole things from me that I thought I could never get back. That hatefulness grew and I found myself allowing insignificant and some not-so-insignificant things to continue to steal a fraction of my peace each day until that fraction grew into a significant measure.

Trauma has a way of stealing many things from us like time, contentment, and peace. Trauma often causes people to view life through a negative lens.  And battling any traumatic event can easily cause a wounded person to be more hateful and less grateful. But gratefulness has the capacity to restore the heart and balance the body with the necessary components it needs to survive a multitude of calamity.

Life has taught me that time waits for no one. Each day that we choose to live with hate or unforgiveness, each day we choose to hold on to offenses is a day or an hour or a minute that we choose to give away. We are giving away time that we simply cannot afford to give away. The days, hours, and minutes we spend focusing on things that don’t even matter, all add up to an amount of time we cannot get back.

Last Sunday my pastor said something that probably didn’t mean as much to others as it did to me, but his words rested in a sacred place inside my heart. He said healing begins with thankfulness. I decided to let that one simmer. As I reflected on the essence of those words, I thought back to when my journey to healing began. I can remember being so thankful for the little things like the sun shining, having a safe place to sleep, for the joys of motherhood, and for those whose stories inspired me not to give up.

Healing occurs when that which has been wounded or injured or infected begins to repair itself. The healthy tissues and cells within our body help to aid and strengthen the tissues and cells that have been damaged. What this means is that healing is most likely to occur in an environment that is surrounded by healthy organisms. Gratitude is a healthy organism that aids and helps to heal the parts of our body that has been damaged during the course of our life.

Gratefulness is not a feeling or confession you make as part of a ceremonial occasion. It is a state of being. It is an awakening. Gratefulness comes about as a result of being thankful. Therefore, no matter what state we find ourselves in, gratefulness is an attitude that resonates through any condition or situation and allows us to be at peace.  

Gratefulness is a place of contentment. When we learn to be content regardless of what has happened in our life, and regardless of what is going on in and around us, we display an attitude of gratefulness. And a grateful heart is a thankful heart. I heard someone put it like this…It’s very difficult to be hateful when you’re grateful.

In the bible, the Apostle Paul applied this principal in his own life. Paul (who was previously known as Saul during the time in which he persecuted many believers) endured a significant amount of trauma after converting to Christianity. He was considered to be a martyr due to the harsh punishment he received for his radical beliefs and because of his dedication to the Christian faith. Yet he was grateful and content. This is what he said:

I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything [because of] the One who makes me who I am. Philippians 4:11-13 (MSG)

Let me ask you this question, Are you hateful or grateful? Have you allowed past hurts and trauma to keep you from focusing on how blessed you truly are? Are you spending more time hating where you are in life than celebrating how far you have come? Are you giving away time that you cannot get back?

Hating life or the things that we face in life only keeps us focused on the bad. Being grateful returns our focus to what is good. Philippians 4:8 says we must fix our thoughts on what is true and pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others. It tells us to think about all we can praise God for and be glad about.

I am currently on a journey that involves being more grateful and less hateful. I invite you to join me in this journey. Make the decision to be more thankful and appreciative, and more aware of how God is working in and through you and on your behalf. Be intentional about complaining less and finding less fault in others.

Spend less time worrying and being negative, and make a point to celebrate every good thing and every not-so-good thing that has helped you to be the beautiful and radiant person that God designed for you to be. Choose to be grateful, because each day you spend being hateful or unloving or offended, is a day that you unknowingly give away.